Adat & Procedures

After all the efforts of wooing and courting a girl, especially a malay muslim girl, here's what a guy should do if you really, really and had taken into full consideration and your utmost caution to take her as your legally wedded wife for life (i mean... FOR LIFE.. not a try out). 


1. Tell her your intentions, at least the parents. 

...and i don't see any guy in this modern world who actually goes up to the lady's house and ask the father to take his daughter in hand for marriage. Nope. Jarang-jarang nak dengar... ermmm my Enchek Tunang awal2 bgtau me myself... hehe.. i just ignored him. 



2. Merisik

Seriously, most merisik adat in the malay community nowadays was surpassed with just a bertunang. But i guess my Enchek Tunang did his merisik in his own way. He asked me... and i asked my parents whether anyone is asking for my hand. Enchek Tunang also asked my friends whether i have a boyfriend or someone special. There were rumors. He actually asked the person rumored about, and he got a green light when that person says he's single and still looking for the right person. No one in mind to be specific. With that, Enchek Tunang smiled and his merisik thingy was completed. Usually, a merisik adat requires a representative of the man to meet the girl's parents. The visitation came along together with a tepak sirih and a ring. If the girl is available and is not betrothed to any man, then the ring will be put on the girl's finger as to show that she is "booked" by the man. 



3. Bertunang

Later when merisik was completed, another group of representative of the man (Family members and elders) will come again to the girl's house. This time it's for sure that the man is serious to wed the girl he "booked" earlier. 


This time around more gifts were brought. A bertunang ring, a set of clothes, a set of Al-Quran, sweets and delicacies, fruit basket, a sirih junjung and anything you can think of. With that, it's a courtesy of the girl's family to return the favors by exchanging gifts of their own to the man. Usually the number of gifts went 5 vs 7 or 7 vs 9, to make it uneven or odd numbers. 


In some of the northern states of Malaysia like Malacca, Johor, N9 and some parts of Pahang.. the elderly will start the conversation and their intention in a pantun like poetry and you can expect replies sounding somewhat in rhythm. To actually exchange pantun is an art which the youngsters nowadays are lacking. But in states like my Kelantan... there are no pantun. Some will start with a simple doa, head point to the motive of their visit and discussed the terms to be agreed. 


Terms both families must agree upon are the Wh's Q:

When is the Nikah? Where will it take place?
When is the reception? (Both) Where?
How many are the dulang hantaran to be exchange? 7/9 or 9/11?
How much is the Hantaran? (this is debatable)
if the marriage cannot go on, be cancelled by either the bride or the groom to be, what should they do, compensation etc.




4. Legal requirements and procedures to marriage. 


Its not easy and yes there will be legal documents to be prepared. To start, it's a compulsory requirement that a couple who wishes to get married undergo a Pre-Wedding Course for 2 days (1 and 1/2 actually which we did at the National Mosque Kuala Lumpur). Upon collecting the course certificate exactly one week after completing the course, you have to take the HIV test at the listed Government Clinics near your area. Keep the result for later. The groom have to take the application form to marry from the local Pendaftar Nikah at the state islamic department. Follow the procedures. Once a certificate consenting the marriage is obtained, hand it over to the bride. The bride will have to take and fill another form, accordingly to procedures and send it to the Pendaftar Nikah where solemnization will take place. Another consent certificate will be issued and you then may book your Qadi who will complete your solemnization on your solemnization day i.e. the Akad Nikah.



You may refer to these sites: http://ncr.jais.gov.my/ (for selangorians) and http://www.jaheaik.gov.my/v5/images/download/pdf/bpuk/prosedur-nikah-kelantan.pdf (for Kelantanese)



Our E-Day:

Date: 17.10.2013 (Friday)
Attended by: Family members & close friends
Terms: As discussed. 
Event last for about 2 hours including all the cakap2 and makan2. 

Alhamdulillah, we are now engaged!

Wish us smooth sailing. 


XOXO

Anne